Dear Sarah Palin

Dear Sarah Palin: Let’s face it. You’re not that hot. It’s all perspective. Sure, in a shotgun to my head game of Fuck, Marry, Kill with you, Libby Dole, and Diane Feinstein, I’d be throwing it in you faster than you could say “Caribou.” Compared to the rest of the population, though, you’re pretty average. If only Olympia Snowe were younger… she’d be the VPILF, and you’d still be eating …continue…

Pissdrinking for Profit

Dear Murray: I’m so fed up with my job. The company I work for is the most boring company on the face of the Earth. We make books for real estate appraisers. Real boring shit. Some of the people around here get excited about this shit, and it makes me just want to shit in the coffeemaker. When I first got this job, I was just happy to be employed. …continue…

In case of DICK, break glass

Dear Murray – I am in love. It is honestly the most healthy open relationship I’ve ever been in, and he treats me better than I could have ever expected. But I have issues(who doesn’t?). he has a lot of friends who are girls, he always has…I was one of them at one point. it makes me so jealous….and all of them bother me. from the ones I know and …continue…

Did anyone ever tell you you look like?

Dear Murray, Why do so many strangers think I look like someone they know? Is the gene pool slipping so much that we are all looking alike? Should I just become a body double? Signed, No, I’m not that guy. You know it’s a sad state of society when one of the first questions potential datees ask you is “what celebrity do people tell you you look like?” Fuck, they …continue…